Commentary

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Stay true to yourself

-- James Edwards

Stay true to yourself. It sounds so trite doesn’t it? And, as is so often the case with clichés, the truth of the message is obscured by the repetition and familiarity of the words, until they lose virtually all meaning. Allow me to re-sharpen the focus for a moment in hope that it grants fresh and much needed clarity on this all-important directive.

These four words represent a Herculean challenge to most of us. Sadly, we live in a world that favors conformity and discourages individuality. Staying true to yourself is probably the hardest thing to maintain and the easiest to stray from. If only more of us made it our mantra. Amid the cacophony of chatter, the myriad voices attempting to drown out the voice of your own heart and pull you away from your core, staying true to yourself is no mean feat.

So many forces—family, culture, traditional education, even our own misguided beliefs, needs, and desires—can squeeze us into a mold altogether different than our own true selves, and may even cause us to lose sight of who we really are. Admittedly, the implications of this are more far-reaching than these few words can adequately address. But as a single spark can start a great fire, perhaps this brief article will serve to ignite something within you that provokes a return to self.

Though it may seem redundant, the first thing essential to staying true to yourself is honesty. Are your likes, dislikes, ideas, opinions and feelings really your own, or are they borrowed? Are they what you’re supposed to like, think, say, feel, and do according to someone else? Being true to yourself means being genuine and honest with yourself. Phoniness is repellent to others but self-deceit is the worst kind of dishonesty and betrays your own soul.

Do you make decisions that honor yourself or merely appease others? There will be those who won’t always support your choices so it takes courage to honor yourself in spite of them. You can’t please everyone. But if you aren’t true to yourself, you can’t be true to anyone else, for everything you do flows from who you are. Shakespeare said this centuries ago through Hamlet, one of his best-known characters, “To thine own self be true; and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man.”

Staying true to yourself requires a firm commitment to your self-care (Many people confuse this with selfishness but it is vastly different)*. Aside from the personal things you do to nurture your soul, which varies with each of us, a more general but gravely significant part of your self-care includes becoming more aware of the company you keep. Beware of emotional vampires! They abound. No, I don’t believe in actual vampires…at least this early in the day. But the archetype is alive and well.

A vampire is anyone who saps your life force and makes you feel that who you are is somehow not good enough: “You’re not smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough, thin enough” and so on. This leaves you feeling second-rate and flawed, and robs you of hope. Vampires drain your lifeblood—your strength, vitality, energy, and enthusiasm. A vampire can be anyone—mate, parent, sibling, boss, even someone claiming to be a lover or friend—operating from a deficit. They will bleed you for the life they lack and threaten to snuff out your inner fire.

We’ve probably all felt the effects of being around a vampire at some point in our lives, whether we knew it or not at the time. I had this sobering epiphany a few years ago while dating a girl who was remarkably adept at draining my emotional vitality. It would be difficult here to recount the experience but, in brief, there was always something I needed to do, change, or achieve before I would be worthy of her full approval and affection, like I was inherently and irreversibly flawed. I began to question my self-worth. Then, fortunately, I saw this chilling parallel and quickly extricated myself from her baneful influence. One of the best tests of any relationship is how it makes you feel about yourself. Remember that.

Psychologist, Carl Rogers said, “What I am is good enough if I would only be it openly.” Your thoughts, your feelings, your talents, and your dreams are all uniquely yours. No one else can be you. You’re the only one who has sole proprietary rights on this. But it would be a terrible crime if you also are not being you. Be fully and completely yourself. Do it with confidence. Do it with passion. Make choices that honor you. Cultivate self-kindness and love. Embrace your uniqueness. Learning to hear and honor the sacred music of your own heart is the most challenging yet rewarding journey you’ll ever make. Listen to your heart. Stay true to yourself, so that in your work, your studies, your relationships, your dreams, and in the mirror of your life, you will always be totally, unmistakably, and authentically you!

I welcome your comments. Feel free to write me: autumn.nights.forever@gmail.com

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