Student perspectives: Members of the recovery community share their experiences on how they continue to beat the odds and maintain long-term sobriety
By Justin Simmons
I lay in a hospital bed in severe pain. My legs hurt, and the painkillers don’t seem to be doing any good. A doctor explains to me I have basically shattered both ankles and I need surgery if I’m ever going to walk again. I’m scared, probably in shock and my heart is still racing uncontrollably from the cocaine I had used hours before. In a drug and alcohol induced psychosis, I had decided to jump off a 30-foot balcony. Lying in bed, I swear to myself I will never use alcohol or drugs again. But despite multiple attempts with various treatment options, it will be three years before I can finally string together 60 days of sobriety.
My story is not unusual. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services, “a recent meta-analysis of past alcohol treatment outcome studies estimates that more than 50 percent of treated patients relapse within the first three months after treatment.” Why are some people able to stay sober while others fall back into addiction again and again?
Addicts often need complete demoralization, either in the physical or emotional realm, before they begin to see the need to change their behavior. Gerald, a 28-year old student with six years of sobriety, summed up what drove him to recovery with one simple word, “misery.”
But oftentimes, the moment of clarity that pushes an addict to seek help fades after a period of sobriety. There were many times I would swear to never drink again. After the horror of the most recent tragedy had worn off, I would begin to think a couple of drinks wouldn’t hurt me. I would find an excuse to drink, and the cycle would start all over again. Amanda, a 28-year old fitness aquatics specialist, described something similar.
“I had four months of sobriety and I decided I deserved a break. I thought I could handle it. It was no big deal. I decided I was just going to have a couple of glasses of wine, and that night I really only had a couple of glasses of wine. The next day,” Amanda laughs, “I was blacked out again.”
By the time an addict realizes the need to change, oftentimes he has burned the bridges to his social networks. Many addicts are coming out of jail or off the streets, have estranged spouses and other family members and have lost the trust and respect of co-workers and friends. Yet, the need for a network of support in early recovery is strong. I know from my own experience that a group of sober friends was essential. Relying on my own inclinations always led me back to my old behaviors and eventually, back to drinking.
Many addicts find a supportive community in sober living facilities and at Alcoholic’s Anonymous meetings. David thinks it is of paramount importance to have a safe place to live when leaving treatment or coming off of a relapse. “Sober living is so important. It’s the environment. Surrounding yourself with all these good people.”
Having sober friends was also critical for Gerald. “Totally vital, it was really important for me to make friends in sobriety and just go do things together, bowling, dumb stuff like that. It just let me know that it doesn’t have to be this miserable dreg, where you just clench your fists and try not to drink.”
Amanda said the community was the single most important aspect in her recovery. “Get a good sponsor and get connected to the AA community. They help you learn how to live sober. They’ve been there, done that. They have the experience. Bounce ideas off of other people; they might have dealt with similar circumstances, so get connected.”
As important as a supportive community is, most addicts cannot recover without making major lifestyle changes. Many addicts new in their recovery think they can continue to live the same lifestyle, just without the drugs and alcohol. Many have tried that approach, but the vast majority returns to active addiction because they didn’t address those issues.
There are programs in place to help individuals make these lifestyle changes and recover from alcoholism. Alcoholic’s Anonymous offers a 12-step program that promotes a “spiritual experience.” The SMART Recovery Program outlines a psychological approach to abstinence; and the Secular Organization for Sobriety offers support for those uncomfortable with spiritual ideas. Although they may not agree on how to bring about change, the majority of recovery-oriented organizations agree that a change in thinking is essential to success.
AA has had an all-encompassing effect in David’s life. “To me, the steps don’t teach me how to not use; they teach me how to live. They teach me how to have a life that’s worth living. I can see my successes and my failures. I can address my failures and I can enjoy my successes.”
As I began to sober up, I realized my life was still full of day-to-day problems and challenges. Just because the drugs and alcohol were no longer in my system didn’t mean I wouldn’t have the same problems as everyone else, and it didn’t mean I wouldn’t make mistakes. Learning to deal with the mistakes I made determined whether I would be able to maintain my sobriety, as did learning to address feelings of guilt and shame which are common to most addicts. Gerald learned this too.
Gerald’s mother is also an alcoholic. One night he came home to find her passed out on the floor. When he tried to move her to the bed, he was unable to and in a moment of frustration, he kicked her. The feelings of shame and guilt overwhelmed him. “I almost got high but instead I had this really different reaction. I prayed about it, I talked to another alcoholic and I made it through the moment.”
Gerald eventually had to make some difficult amends to his mother for his behavior. “She wouldn’t have remembered that experience but I took responsibility for it. She makes an effort to be present in my life and I make an effort to be present in hers. We care about each other a lot and it’s a good relationship.”
David talked about some of the day-to-day problems he is currently dealing with. He is going through a divorce, his financial troubles have forced him to sell his family home and he’s struggling with the decision of what type of career he wants at this point in his life. This is on top of the responsibilities of being a father to three children. He stays sober, he says, by remembering “this disease is out to kill me if I’m not doing everything I can on a daily basis to live.”
When I first decided to try to live a life without drugs and alcohol, I had lost virtually everything. I was homeless, most of my friends would no longer speak to me, my family was fed up and I had lost all my possessions. I thought that it didn’t matter whether I drank or not because I felt I had nothing to lose. But now I see that the longer I am able to stay sober, the more I have to lose. David, Amanda and Gerald have a lot to lose now as well. David talks about a better relationship with his children. Amanda got a degree and a new job. Gerald is studying for a degree in Speech Pathology and has a 4.0 grade average.
Yet, Gerald says the greatest gift he’s received in sobriety is the ability to share the message and help others. “It gives me so much more, a whole new framework to base my life on where I can contribute to the work. Where my dark experiences can become my assets, where I can serve others. Nothing compares to that. It’s awesome.”
Seeing the life sobriety has given all of them inspires me to stay sober for another day.