Love is worth the risk

-- James Edwards

I’ve been thinking a lot about love lately. Maybe it’s the season. Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve watched my new, favorite movie, “Love, Actually,” like 14 times in a week. Whatever the reason, there are a few of my musing that I deemed noteworthy—if only for me to reread when I’m feeling low or losing perspective.

I realized (once again) that love isn’t about playing it safe. It’s about taking risks. I suppose obtaining anything worthwhile involves risk, but particularly love. You can’t hold back and really be in love because love’s all about putting yourself out there—taking a chance, going for it, opening up and revealing your true self; in short, becoming vulnerable, which involves the possibility of rejection and pain. This may be quite frightening, even terrifying, especially if you’ve been hurt before. “Once bitten twice shy” the adage affirms. But the rewards far outweigh the risks. Who doesn’t long to be known for who you really are and to be loved completely, unconditionally, and to love another with absolute abandon?

The alternative is to withdraw into a self-made prison of loneliness and fear, though it isn’t always obvious. There’s nothing worse than feeling alone in a room full of people. Your isolation may seem to provide an initial feeling of safety but it’s very deceptive. In reality, you only trade one kind of pain for another — or fear of another. Loneliness, cynicism, and fear are poor compensation for potential rejection and heartbreak. In your attempt to protect yourself from pain, you also remove the possibility and ineffable joy of connecting with another and having your uniqueness affirmed and celebrated. It may seem a bit unsettling, but the truth is, vulnerability is the lone gateway to the path of intimacy and love. It would be a shame to let fear stand in your way.

We should never let fear govern our behavior. I, for one, can never hear this too often. I have a plaque, prominently displayed in my home as a frequent challenge and potent reminder. Its dictum: “Love like you’ll never get hurt.” Admittedly, this is so much easier said than done, and I won’t even begin to pretend that I have made this my custom, but it’s a noble goal that I truly aspire to.

Genuine openness and authenticity are indeed rare premiums, especially in our stoic, upper-Midwestern culture. So I ask you, is there someone you fancy? Tell them so. Do you harbor a secret attraction? Don’t be afraid to make it known. Is there something like love you’ve been feeling? What are you waiting for? Carpe Diem! If you don’t take the risk, you’ll never know. I’m reminded of the poignant, poetic words of John Greenleaf Whittier, “For all sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these—it might have been.” No matter where you’ve been or where you are, love is still and will always be worth the risk!

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